Poetography, Ya'll Still Listening Though.

[Kevin Fulton]

Poetography, Ya'll Still Listening Though.

 Chapter Two

 

 TITLES:

1.  Co-Depend / My Pen.

 2.  Question ?

 3.  My Soul Gripes.

 4.  Don't Then.

 5.  Blame Me

6.  Self-Analysis.

 7.  City Southern Child.

 8.  Never Cured " A.P. "

 9.  Fuel My Intellect.

 10. Believers At War

 11. Before " da i do ".

 12. Still Friends.

13. Fake Da Luv Poem.

14. She's Done, "Gone".

 15. The Hit.

 16. Luv Once Was " 2 ".

 17. Seconds Tick.

 18. Beautiful Pain.

 19. Family Reunion

. 20. Forgiveness Sought

. 21. Accepted Now.

 22. Treat ya Smile.

 23. Live The Will.

 

 

CO-DEPEND / MY PEN.

 as the ink flow, my thoughts speak in a voice, so i co-depend on my pen to sound off as if it is the mic, and i write... soul searching i find creative messages waiting inside my mind, depended upon the release of my poetic verses, i find freedom from co-dependency, and my pen transform those ill thoughts into the moments of love, giving me the smile as i become free from those feelings and emotions which made me the co-dependant man in need of you. the lifestyle nurtured in need of assistance, i became co-depending always wanting help from those self-help groups, programs, agencies, making me a product of dependency. the group therapy thang, you know, the groupppyyeeeesss !!! i need your help, i'm diagnosis psychologial and medical. " PLEASE HAVE A SEAT. WHAT ? HOW ? WHY ? UUHMM, I SEE . HERE ! TAKE THIS PRESCRIPTION TO THE PHARMACY, HAVE A NICE DAY ". " YOU KNOW WHAT DOC ? I DON"T THINK SO, KEEP YA MEDS, I'VE DONE ENOUGH DRUGS ON MY OWN ". the liabilities of my past based on life in active addiction i onced depended on the will of the un-seen source. my realistic goals are now set in " NEW ATTITUDE ". the heart and soul of a man in the changes, " YES ". i co-depend on the flow of my pen, " GUESS WHAT ? IT EASES MY MIND ".

 

  QUESTION ?

 what do i write ? poems of my life . when do i write ? while i strive to learn me. how do i write ? relaxed, ink-pen loaded, typewriter ready, computer set . why do i write ? to release my thoughts because it set me free . will i write about you ? maybe so, was my life and ways experiences you've been through . do my opinions in poetry seem wrong to express ? are you feeling i'm a bit offensive towards you ? can you try and understand where i'm coming from ? don't you kind of see and feel my pain ?   if not, don't even worry, because i write for the freedom of speech in me, to seek peace of my soul is what i'll gain.

 

  My Soul Gripes.

  Excuse me, Mr. Good in you, we got problems. What're you trying to do ? Change your ways, after all we been through, you got us fighting inside, QUIT!, you wanna be all new. I raised you to be the self-taught fool you are. Your bad came about my learned behaviors. So tell me, what's up with all this new attitude ?   Well Mr. Bad, who's been leading me wrong for all my life. It seems you have been running thangs. You done ran me in the ground, and beyond to rock-bottom... homeless, jobless, broke once again, with a failed plan from BANKRUPTCY... Two people in me twisted in many directions, you got my soul split into the bad and the good. It's about to be a fight up in here, inside my soul!!!!!!!!!! cause Mr. Bad, you are of no good. It's the right things I am gonna learn to do.... Good verses Evil, this war in me, right over wrong is where I am striving to be, so back down clown, changes are here, the good fight for life is my intentions and my mission, so you better " FEAR ". My soul searches for PEACE! The ONE-NESS IN ME ! I am FREE, I am tired of your SSSHHHH ! I'm gonna be FREE and SEE. No more anger, resentments must die, I've apologized to me and made amends for my life. So step off EVIL ONE. no win for you this fight, so I say with PEACE, " GOODBYE TO MY SOUL GRIPES "!

 

Don't Then.

i ain't. whatever. so what then ? ain't nothing. i don't care.  i know you don't, cause that's the way you are. you can't tell me a thang.  sho can't, you know it all. so what ?  i ain't gotta change for you. sho ain't.  how about changing for yourself ? don't wanna.  you know what ? what ? " then don't then ".

 

Blame Me.

the dis-obediance, failures in lif, wrongs over right. lost opportunities to learn.  excuses, excuses, my bust, blame me. take the hard road then, teach yourself.  find out the real reaso why you are lost in life, without any clues on parenting skills.  listen to you, as if i was raised with family values and the spiritual principles you passed on to me. excuses,excuses,excuses, your bust blame. the sins of the father, the wrongs of the mother, parenting skills taught by who ? thank God my daughter was raised by a strong and independent mother, excuses, excuses, excuses, excuses, i wasn't there, i blame me.

 

Never Cured " A.P."

addictive personality, my addictions aere many. help me lord, overcome me with your daily remedies. this life long journey, these illnesses of mind,,, promise me a cure in this life time. a daily reprieve will be just find. for the second, leaing up to the minute, hour,one day at a time. please,please,please, ease this old troubled mind.

 

Fuel My Intellect.

pump knowledge into my wisdom.  make my understanding the mileage that will drive me to be. the strong man that i am............................the strong man that i am............... take me to the route of the learned way, off the parkway of this street ignorance.......... leading me to the highway of success, because i am driven to be on the right of way to changes.    

 

Self-Analysis.

 

 you have no idea what it's like being me, born into this world, taught by the streets, raised with neighbor " HOOD " dreams, the life of the dysfunctional family, things aren't what it seems, two caught up in resentments, they can't seem to agree, so they separated and avoided the responsibilities, family secrets, kids forced to hide the truth, you know, about the reals of you and you........... that's mamas boyfriend, you know the man we call uncle, daddy got a girlfriend for life, you know, we called her step mama....... my grandma Mrs. Bland was my source of love and peace. I let her down and missed the goodbye, " WHY " ? because i was hanging in the streets. there she was in the hospital that night waiting for me so i could see, i refused to go with the ride that came for me that night, because i was occupied hustling high on the block being me.

 " MY LIFE STORY TOLD IN POETRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED, IT ALL HAD CHANGED ME, A FEELINGS PROTECTOR SO I THOUGHT, GETTING HIGH FOR LIFE WAS MY PRIORITY

. " brother and i was kind of cool, we have different ways about ourselves, he turned me on to a wheat paper roled joint, my first, then off to the Army he went. i went to church, but didn't know God, when services was over it was all about me, being back on the block to the corner i ran, cause love for the streets was where i wanted to be, see. no more secrets, i'm cried and crimed out. i will never forget the things of my past, the life i lived was wrong but real, i wished i would have never tried to live so fast.......

 " MY LIFE STORY, TOLD IN POETRY, SOMETHING HAPPENED, IT ALL HAD CHANGED ME, A FEELINGS PROTECTOR SO I THOUGHT, GETTING HIGH FOR LIFE WAS MY PRIORTY. "

 it's all good now though, because with age and experiences, rock bottom from the lost, paying the high cost for low living, i now recognize that " GOD ", is the boss. for those that may object my truth being told for the purpose of freeing up my soul, please understand and try and just feel me, because for me to analize my past is the motivational method that will set me free.

 

 

City Southern Child

 southern child, city born, southern raised, city teen, destruction of a life dream by the age of thirteen... thirty-three years later, still fighting to get and stay clean, summertime high, the year of 1973, the game was learned, it all changed me. southern teen, city dreams, city life, money green, country kool, city slick, new street dreams, now a country trick. by the age of 16, by the age of 16, by the age of 16, running wild was i, and taking money green, catch me if you can, ya know what i mean. city slick, country dumb, trying to get over on everyone. all i wanted was to get me...me !!! it all caught up though, yeah, now i see....... down by law, blind, death-struck, and dumb, un-learned lessons and drama for years to come...... still i used and abused life like a dysfunctional fool, i couldn't hustle at all, i broke all the street rules....... the tale of two cities, the life of a fool, from the city to the south hip, slick and kool....... headed for self-destruction without a real clue. city southern child may god change my ways, 4 weeks of 46yrs old, 33yrs and many days, still got hope though, as old as i am, i shall be delivered, blessed into the changes, " CAUSE I AM IN GODS HANDS ".

 

  Believers At War  

Do I have to believe your beliefs? Must I fear to express a personal point of view? Am I wrong to reject your Religious Dogma? WHY? I believe in God, too! The message from God, as you understand, a believer's guideline to go to Heaven or Hell. Holy Books with scriptures at War, your interpetation says I won't win; I'll fail. WHY? I believe in God, too! Such War of Words, your facts backed by beliefs, God's definition - from your point of view. My soul is at Peace, My Faith is satisfied, God's Religion holds truth. I believe in God, too! God's inspired steps have helped me change, good orderly direction is the path I'm on, in accordance with the rights of life, not accepted by your Book - ain't that taking it a bit to far? I believe in God, too! Our words from Dogma have turned into Bombs for War, divided because of our differences of Faith and Belief. One thing to remember from the Spiritual Realm: Killing each other is not at all, from my understanding, "GODS WILL." I BELIEVE IN GOD TOO !!!

 

  Before " da i do ".

  We must evaluate our simularities. with hope we are for the life of togetherness. Time teaches us to learn our ways and adapt to the changes for loves sake. At times we appreciate each other, At times we can not stand one or another, over some surfaced issues. Other times we are on the same team, so it may seem.......................................... Attitudes sparked from the fuse called anger, " LOVE IS NOW HATE". Our differences out weighed our simularities, we're so different. It's to late to re-think and un-do what's been done. We didn't know each other at all..........

" BEFORE DA I DO ".

 

Still Friends.

all about us, so i thought.  long time relationship, i was in love. stuck on stupid for more than a moment, the relationship was over, but i remained still friends. what was i thinking about ?  holding on to her, this girl. when the truth about her was all in my face. she deserted me worked me, foolish was i, to think that ones love, was power to make thangs change. after all the hurt and pain from the one i gave my heart and soul to, i'm alone in this thang called love.....talking about some, oh, we still friends.

 

Fake da luv poem.

 captured by your warm embrace, the cold touch. back then, you know when it was all about us. we were down for each other, opps ! i forgot. we had back-ups, you know, the secret luv-ers. we cheated, giving us the reason to say, i luv you, but i'm not in love with you.  you know the excuses we used to hold onw to that side order of_________. my, my, my,  card giving moments and holiday gifts, with the smile and signature of those meaningless words,

 " LOVE ALWAYS ".

 

  " She"s Done, Gone "

 drama queen, she games, for real.  her character, controling everything and uses her point of view. let her go brother, she worked you.  man she's gone. we was cool, she ain't all that bad. just listen to you, feelings for the defense, from a love blinded fool..................... let her go brother she worked you !!! my boo, my boo.  brother !  boo is right, you're on some real scary shhhhh........let her go brother she worked you. let her go on about her ways instead of letting her rent so much space in your head.  no more vacancies for her, move on, yo've gotta, let her go brother or sh'll work you again.

 

The Hit.

I came into some bucks with luck some might say. But i say, it all came to me via way of the the scriptures. ya wanna be on my team now, because i got green now. Ya say ya luv and ya need me now, I'm not to be played, now be on ya way. Ya wanna be with me now, ya say ya believe now, I'm supposed to believe ya now, ya must think I'm a foll. I hear what ya saying now, but i don't believe ya. Because I got dough now, it's me that ya luv now, Sorry boo, just go now, be on ya way. Now it's to late now, I don't want or don't need ya. Ya not a part of the picture, I done got rid of ya. And I don't even miss ya, ya know what i'm saying. I'm no longer ya slave, i done been saved. You done been played. Now that I'm payed, I'm on my way.....

 

Luv Once Was " 2 ".

 U/I, ME AND YOU, TOGETHER.

 

Seconds Tick.

 patience my son, time is soon to be, moments pasted, a minute behind us, a bad day gone.

 

Beautiful Pain.

 my personal inventory, what a life. I WRITE. found some old me, hurt up. STILL I WRITE. found some ne me heal'en up. WRITE ON. painful, but beautiful, because i found, the spiritual experience in me.

 

Family Reunion

. Family Reunion. When will we have one ? The togetherness of our bloodline, to learn about where we all came from. The moments when we all forget about the life differences, and enjoy our simularities. The time when we praise God for the oneness of our souls, and disregard nationalities. No matter what mama, dads, cousins aunts, and uncles, and most of all, the children have going on in life. let's keep the back-bitting minimum, show some real love and listen. I've never been to a family reunion of us, from neither side of my parents. Opps !!!  I forgot, I've been to Funeral Reunions, the death of a loved one, when folks do the pop-ups, in respect of the one gone......................... Maybe one day I can host the first real one. Forgiveness Sought. Amends needed for a life of wrongs i done. The peace will be a day to be rejoiced. Accepted Now. you'll think about it, well enough then, i'm still a man at peace and free.

 

Treat ya Smile.

 Warm Water Hand Wash My Face, That's Cool For My Cheeks, Smooth Laughter Now !!!

Live The Will. GET OUT THE WAY !!!

 

 

REJOICE

 

. Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice. I've been delivered, I've been delivered, I've been delivered.........

  Rejoice.  ( the hook 2x's )

 I've been delivered, from all my bad living ways. My prayers been answered, although it took some time. I nearly got caught up, from not being patient, Then i heard a whisper, chill son. It's gonnna be alright

 

. ( the hook ).

 Thangs happened, in my life time, these things all changed me, from who I was born to be. The boy in me could not become the man. I became blinded from the life of the streets. I'm all cried out now, and really fed up, I've prayed to God, Lordf please will you help and change me.

. ( the hook ).

 I got feelings and emotions for a woman I loved, This exgirl friend is not good for me, now I Know. I need to move on ya'll., and let her go her ways living in Gods Will for my life, is where I wanna bee, I gotta be delivered, from this relationship, no matter what, I need God for you to set me free................

 ( the hook ).

 Now I'm focused, trying to better my life, God made some changes, so my life can be, Living in his Will ya'll, is where he wanted me. So I sacrificed and made some changes, and he set me free...( the hook )..close it out.