Winners of the "A Love For All Times" Virtual Book Tour @ TPL!

[Marlive]

Hello Everyone:

Our, “A Love For All Times Virtual Book Tour,” at The Peoples Lounge this past weekend was a HUGE success!

We owe that success to all of the GOOD MEN of TPL who joined in our celebration of LaConnie Taylor-Jones’s latest novel, When A Man Loves A Woman, published by Genesis Press. Special THANKS also goes to TPL owner, Wil Derksen for allowing us this opportunity to honor the thoughts and experiences of TPL MEN this way!

Now for the information you all have been waiting for, WINNERS of our tour:

Friday 8/15 Challenge Question:
Just how long should a man pursue a reluctant woman? And how long would YOU pursue a woman that is avoiding you; yet you know she is the one for you?

Winners are:
Mike Beirne - $25 Visa Gift Card
William Butler - $25 Amazon.com
Lord’Williams - 1 Biggy Pix

Saturday 8/16 Challenge Question:
Does a woman’s past really matter if you know, without a doubt, she is THE ONE for you? Do you believe it is possible for YOU to love a woman for all times?

Winners are:
Chris - $25 American Express Gift Card
Marvin Ellis - $25 Amazon.com
William Butler - 1 Biggy Pix

Sunday 8/17 Challenge Question:
Does a woman’s past really matter if you know, without a doubt, she is THE ONE for you? Do you believe it is possible for YOU to love a woman for all times?

Winners are:
Lord’Williams - Readers Chest for Men
Wizthom - 1 Biggy Pix

CONGRATULATIONS to all the MEN of TPL above!!! We will be contacting each of you this week so that we can get your gifts to you as soon as possible. Again congratulations and THANK YOU!

Virtually yours,
TheGRITS.com, author LaConnie Taylor-Jones and The Peoples Lounge

[Mike Beirne]

Love to all-

Just got the notice from Wil, so I hope you will pardon my late
reply and include this entry in your challenge. Wil knows the
story of my bi-cultural marriage and thinks it is a good one...

The answer to your question is two years- and / or twenty years....
(- and counting!) depending upon your perspective. ;-)

I fell in love with a woman of another culture.... Living in Japan,
I was learning the language and culture- but matters of the heart
are completely different. It took more than a year before she would
meet me for a date- usually only with a group of her colleagues. It took
months before she would meet me for a date as a couple - even then we
had to travel to the next prefecture (Hiroshima) to have any privacy.

After two years of courting, I proposed. She said "yes" - but also said the most
painful answer a suitor can hear - 'You'll have to convince my parents..."

Ouch! My time in Japan was coming to an end, but I didn't have the skills
to convince a Japanese parent- much less grandparents - that it was Ok for
a white foreigner to take their prized eldest daughter- a samurai princess.

That was not an easy sell- believe me! So I looked for educational support.
Instead of going back to Law School (at Willamette U.) I searched for an alternative
that could 1) help me learn how to write a love letter in Japanese 2) learn to write
a "please may I have your daughter's hand in marriage" letter and 3) get me back to
Japan soon enough to continue the courtship. I went to a school called JAIMS that
my current employer Fujitsu founded/runs in Honolulu / Japan.

THAT took another year or so. My love letters to my dear were warmly received-
my letters (and gifts) to her parents were not- they were completely ignored. They were
left unopened until her Grandfather casually asked one day how those letters & packages
from the person with the "poor handwriting" were answered.

(I don't mind the insult- my calligraphy is not the best, especially with a brush,
ink and 1,850 Kanji characters... In fact, I was complimented that he could read
what I wrote at all - and that he and asked about it, seemingly at random. Her parents
were so embarrassed by his question that they read my letters, talked with her Aunt
and agreed to meet me when I returned for my MBA courses & internship in Japan. )

That lead to the longest day of my life. Her family agreed to meet with me during the
"Golden Week" vacation when I had a break from grad school in Tokyo. I made the trek
down to "Choshu" her clan's home. She picked me up at the bullet train station and we
drove to her parent's home in near silence. When we got to her parents house, she just
disappeared. Greeted by her bowing mother and shown to the parlor- I waited...

Her Father took an extraordinary amount of time to meet me in the parlor. It was very
uncomfortable for both of us, I imagine, but I lived through it... The first was Dad- who
asked me all sorts of questions about Japanese history and culture - which, luckily, I was
studying at the time. He also had the infamous quote of why his family opposed a
marriage with a non-Japanese person. He said, "It's not because you are white..."

Yes, it was because they were Japanese.

(Oh, OK- No harm, no foul- but kid gloves were off after he said that.)

For 90 minutes or so, though, her father interrogated me- in Japanese- about
Japan, history, culture and marriage. Whenever he stressed the homogeneous
aspect of the Japanese people, I replied with the "one potato" demographic of
my parents / ancestors from Ireland & other parts of Europe. When he scolded
me that marriage in Japan is not between two people - but two houses - my Irish/
Catholic roots served me well in the discussion. My father being born and raised
in Ireland helped with the "philosophical" aspects, too - like "island people mentality"
and the concept of clans & houses - they are quite similar for the Irish and Japanese.

All the while, my fiancee and her Mom are bringing in tea, pie, fruit and every sort of
drink or treats that you can imagine. Needless to lay, neither Dad or I touched any
one of them during the inquisition. ;-)

Finally, my answers put an end to the interrogation from Dad and he ran out of questions.
He called Mom in, recalled the strange historical and cultural conversation that we had
and asked her if she had any more questions. In her postion, Mom probably could not
say anything, so there was, inevitably, a long - awkward- silence.

Then, Dad called in Grandpa. He recounted the interview and answers, then asked if
Grandpa had any additional questions- OR opposition to an international marriage.

We all expected him to be opposed - but were totally surprised that he only asked a few small questions about my "happiness" in Japan. Then he stunned the room- he stated
that he was born in the Taisho era, went to war in China for the Showa emperor- took
a bullet for his country - and, luckily, returned, to Japan alive. He said the it is now
the Heisei Era / Emperor for Japan- and that "Heisei" means "building peace." He noted
that the warring governments have not done so well at building peace and that international marriages are probably a better way to global harmony.

We were all amazed and, quite frankly, blown away by the old man's words. He was from
one of the most conservative places- truly 'old school" Japan- out in the rural countryside.
Yet he gave the most open-minded, internationally friendly answer possible. Amazing!

But, still- it was not over. Dad let everyone wipe their tears from Grandpa's statements
and then invited in the real head of the clan- Grandma- into the parlor. Despite his best
efforts to recount the discussion up to that point, Grandma wasn't listing to a thing he
said. She was kneeled down next to my soon-to- be-fiancee elbowing her and saying:

"He's got friendly eyes."

And with that, I was accepted- after more than three years of trying - into the family.

Dad stood up, shook my hand and said let's have something to eat and drink.
Within 20 minutes, the whole family- aunts, uncles and cousins, were isuddenly |
n the garden inwelcoming the theie newest family member- albeit non-Japanese.

The walls that were up against foreigners- at least in her family and home town-
fell that day like the Berlin Wall. I like to think I had a part in it - if only a small
part of the world's globalization - one love at a time!

MB

[wizthom]

love knows no time limit .if he is in love with Victoria then time is meaningless ,
that's where blind love comes in that is the meaning of blind faith,,i once asked an old lady why do she put up with a man who disrespects her so,,she turned to say..i am just waiting on the lord to slow walk him down,
love is the same way,,people are too wrapped up on instant return,instant gratification,but love is what it is. patience perseverance,,aj should learn how to be her friend first , further more learn what it takes to be ones friend ,most relationship fail in longevity because they go from strangers to lovers avoiding the most important part of any relation is how to be a friend control destroys, control gives reasons not to trust.yes Victoria has been hurt ,yes she will need time to heal and learn the ways of trust,even if it means being like the king who searched for love his whole life ,only to realize on his death bed love had been there all the time,he was just too blind to see past his own misery ...with all aj's knowledge and wealth he must learn that it means nothing in the realm of love as for assuring emotions. until he learns the freedom in love , the rain will fall ....like i say, it keeps raining and raining and raining and into each life some rain must fall how else could the flowers grow ,peace wizthom

[wizthom]

in any relation there can be no leader ,
no head of house whole ,
both are to be respected as equals,
why for in ones weakness there is strength in the other,
bi so versa ,love is trust trust is love.
in any relation one should say we can argue bicker and fight,
as long as we know that we are stronger than you or me.

one can't exist with out the other .like to halves coming together ,
to make a whole.man and woman, love and trust,
just think about it when you make your vows to honor and treasure ,
you make them side by side,when make love you do it as one,
when you grow old in love and the other passes on,,
u can count the months before the other follows,
call it broken heart,call it loneliness ,but face it ,
it's only love doing it's thing
so when it come to running affairs of the home ,
it should be done as one,for one can't be in two places at the same time,
but two can ,,as to answer your question simplistic, in a relationship,
no one should reach or give power,for that is possession,
and possession in love is like you trying to catch, hold, air in the palms of your hands,
never make that insecure assessment power does nothing for love ,,kinda like holding back sex,cause you are mad at ur spouse,,that never brings love in the house,it drives it out.peace wizthom

[chris]

The Situation: Since Victoria was able to change AJ’s strong opinion about the dual role a woman can have in the home, is the woman the one who has the power/influence in a relationship? Yes? No? Tell us why?

Well in my humble opinion, I say no.

I am a man of faith and I believe that the foundation that was set in the word to be an effective, solid structure in building a sturdy marriage.
We allow feelings and circumstances to dictate our future and with our past full of hurt and pain we never see a new person's spirit only the circumstances of our past.
I have a saying that I used to gauge a person's commitment, "If you're not willing to risk your life then why are you offering to help?" I know that it might be a bit harsh in some situations but I feel it is a valuable reference point. Why become a police officer if you're only in it to get paid and carry a gun? Isn't the point to help somebody? To Protect someone? Marriage is no different in my eyes, when I asked my wife to marry me I had one goal in mind to cover and protect her from anything that wishes to do her harm even to the point of my very own death. My will is to encourage her and to lift her up, to be her support and to protect our future for our children and our legacy. Aj's opinion can be based on a lot of things but he came to his decision based on his present situation. Why is it not ok to change your opinion nowadays? As a matter of fact, your opinion should grow as your character grows. I have never been one to be insecure. If my wife makes more money than me (and she does) that doesn't intimidate me; but I also don't allow her to used it to push me around like I'm a house slave (and she used to try, lol) My track record as a man has always spoken for itself. I love completely. I serve her as she does me. I give her everything and in doing so she has learned that "true love" requires that you be vulnerable. It always goes out and never asks for anything. As we grow closer together it is funny how we now see that our control issues are giving way to the success of our marriage. My secret is PASSION! I will not abandon my wife, marriage, or family no matter what! Yes, its hard and yes we have been challenged but even unto death.... That's what we promised right? Until death do us part. I think people need to go back and read their wedding vows to understand what they have committed to.

[Missy]

Mike your comment about your life with your princess made me sad but the saddness was not long lived. I am so glad you perserved and won your bride. The thing about your story as with AJ's is neither of you were concerned about appearances you helped me understand "keep your eye on the prize" cliche'. Too often in our society people let "what others say or think" rule their actions but not you and AJ and I thank you for it. I love it!

[Wil]

Well said Missy!

[William Butler]

RE: TODAY’S CHALLENGE QUESTION FOR TPL MEN

The Situation:
In the novel, AJ soon learns that it isn’t his “old fashion” ideals about marriage and a woman’s role in the home that has Victoria on the run. But has everything to do with what she went through with her ex-husband; a heart-breaking relationship she refuses to talk about with anyone. AJ simply will not leave well enough alone because he knows the only way his love can cure her is if he knows the cause of her symptoms. When she finally breaks her silence and tells him what really happened, it’s what AJ does with that information that allows Vic to exhale and understand for the first time... that when a man loves a woman, it’s “a love for all times.”

The Question:
Does a woman’s past really matter if you know, without a doubt, she is THE ONE for you? Do you believe it is possible for YOU to love a woman for all times?

My Reponse:
Since the question is two-fold, I imagine my reply should be, as well.

To the first part... Because our past is, in part, what makes us who we are, it can't be ignored. However, to dwell on things that can't be changed is unreasonable, at best. As well, we cannot be responsible for the actions of others. Neither should we hold one person responsible for the actions of their former partner/lover. If we have love for them, we have a responsibility to them, to help them through whatever strife they have because of their past. My wife did it for me, at a time when I had dropped below rock bottom. In fact, had I not met her during that time, I suspect I might not have survived to this day. She became the chain on the anchor that allowed me to climb from the pit of despair where I found myself in those days. As I mentioned in a previous post, that was thirty years ago and we're still together.

To the second part... Honest, heart-felt love is not something that fades over time. And make no mistake; there is a difference between love and lust; between love and infatuation; and between love and like. There is an old saying which goes, "Two people in love should never marry. Only when two people love each other should they marry." I'll admit that how one interprets that statement will depend upon the person's definition of love and being in love. I've always believed that people fall in and out of love all the time. But to truly love someone is a completely different thing. Parents love their children and even when they hate the things a child may do, it should do nothing to diminish the love of the parent for the child. Love between partners should be of the same or, at least, similar level. That kind of love never grows old, never weakens, and never goes away. In that respect, that kind of love is "a love for all times".

Be well,
William

[wizthom]

a woman's' past should have very little to do with the love of the present ,
nor interfere with the lasting power of the future
i feel it is wrong to press anyone to open doors that were closed sealed for a reason,
that is why the past should be what it is.any one who knows the ways of love know the first rule.. the past can't be changed, never to be frowned upon or used as a tool to break a person for the sake of love, love rather not know unless the person chooses to let it be known on their own terms,when it is force it opens old wounds even a doctor will tell you of the dangers of opening old wounds,yes there may come a time when that demon must be faced, let it be on loves terms.that's the only way to ensure lasting victory,
the thing about love is no two situations are alike,similarities yes but not a like pain affects each differently as i try to my place myself in ajs shoes,while understanding Victoria skeletons i separate my entity as to be the persons being perpetrated here ,after all that is what this is about me being aj in search of Victoria love ,
Does a woman’s past really matter if you know, without a doubt, she is THE ONE for you? Do you believe it is possible for YOU to love a woman for all times?
i say what does the past have to do with the future when it comes to love of a life time,
in a imperfect world we should always reach for perfection ,with the past as stepping stones taking us there,,the answer is yes and no ,now let me tell you why,,the mother of my daughter had loose convictions from men to drugs me being a dreamer having blind faith in love,i told her i can't change her past but we can have a future if that is the plan love had for both of us.that i will forget as long as she let the past be what it is,well her past she couldn't let go ,
tho we both tried to make it work .. the lady i could not love for all time ,but the woman who brought forth my child i will love through out all time,,love was there and is still there tho we are not together the proof is the healthy bright caring sharing daughter we were blessed with ,i love her for being the woman as my other half she gave me something all my life I was denied a love i could touch see and feel lead that woman made me a God ,
through a child's love we both know the meaning of love as a whole ,that's the glue that holds us as one even tho we have gone our separate ways .in aj case when he finds out about Victoria pains what he does with the info i hope he let it be understood,for as in life so shell it be in love nothing is perfect in the physical realm,but in the spiritual realm the feeling of exhaling can be so rewarding ..peace wizthom

Does a woman’s past really matter if you know, without a doubt, she is THE ONE for you? Do you believe it is possible for YOU to love a woman for all times?
the answer is yes and no ,only time knows what is really right for you,

[Mike Beirne]

Don't be sad, Missy - that's MY job! ;-)

Thanks for the kind words. My queen and princesses are coming
home from Japan tomorrow- it has been almost two months. I miss
them so- but still need more time to clean the house before they
get here!

In my entry, I described one of the longest days of my life- the pictures in our
wedding album show one of the happiest days of my life. It was an amazing event-
the two houses really did bond in a special way - and the bride was just gorgeous.

Words are not necessary, I think.

Mike

p.s. This is the kind of stuff in a woman's past that really matters.
It is not what you have done before you met- it is what you
have done together SINCE you met.

[Wil]

WOW! What a picture Mike!!! :-)